Rut conundrum put on rails

After you learn something you are never the same person again. Which means that if do the same usual thing for years on years, you have basically stopped learning new things, hence you’ve stopped developing. And strangely or not my conviction is that people should always be curious and progressive. Furthermore conventional logic dictates that all people learn all the time, but that hypothesis has completely been disproven by the masses of people, who just enter the first comfortable state and essentially remain in it for decades until some event of critical significance just shakes their world, which they thought was all there is.

I know, unfortunately, that actually real life examples make the case more interesting for readers and more believable and the examples are countless. The first that has stuck in my mind is the huge obsession with watching football. Like any other mania the person puts the football watching in the center of his life – all his decision-taking is relative to the game times – his moods are related to the game results – all his spare time he could have used to learn new things is wasted on an unproductive activity – valuable talk time is wasted on the same topic, while you could be discussing a great business idea or a social development and in fact the aggregate picture is that you are just inactive and you just miss on things you didn’t even know.

I recently started similar discussion on a musical topic that has been focal for decades. “Why is the new album of my favorite band not the /same/as good/ as the last one?”

Well I explain it by exactly this development. Essentially the band and you have developed in different directions or most commonly the band has developed and you are still nostalgic about the old and want more of the same. And yeas I know that’s a very arguable topic, but let’s say the albums have similar sales if we can take that as a measure of how good the album is. The general conclusion you should take is that, because your favorite band is famous è most certainly they are leaders è they are active and innovative è they constantly explore new things è they move forward, hence its more likely that you haven’t move forward, because statistics dictate that there is 98% chance that you are the exact opposite ;)

I advocate self-development – simple as that!

Reading truths behind the wall of lies.

As hard it may be to admit it and accept it, but people lie all the times. There have even been studies on it showing that on an everyday conversation with a coworker people tend to lie about 20% of things and much more if the conversation actually matters for them.

There are many people who claim that they can see through the everyday trash thrown at them, but they aren’t really good to be honest :))))) I, however, claim I’m really good at reading what people actually think, I have done it many times and its proven. It is not as easy as looking for body language signs or change in the tone of speaking it’s more about knowing the person’s view of life, way of thinking, desires and priorities. To be really able to step in the other person’s shoes as some may say :))

Well sometimes you can get truths about a person that he himself tries to not realize and deny. Actually it’s easier to get those issues of a person rather than ones he is intentionally hiding :))) But what really frustrates me is when people don’t know what they want, undecided or timid. Still you can get an idea of what is going on in their minds but you cannot be sure what will they decide, how will they react and that just isn’t good enough. When I make a conclusion about a feature I’m particularly interested in, I want to leave it behind and not get bloody surprised by some unexpected change of mind :)))

You would probably suggest that if someone is undecided the best thing to do would be to nudge him towards the right decision, but sometimes it is just not possible, or sometimes even there is no right decision even from my point of view :))) I like leaving people do what they feel is right, but I want to be prepared, so I can react in the best way for me.

Underage warning: Do not try to manipulate people, it just isn’t right, even though it is so tempting when so many people are like open books from which you can easily read and even write endings quite easily :)))

Do our feelings demand corresponding music, or the music actually enhances a particular feeling? (A discussion within myself)

Do our feelings demand corresponding music, or the music actually enhances a particular feeling? (A discussion within myself)

There are times when I just suddenly like a song and start listening to it repetitively. It is then when you start actually thinking about the core of the lyrics and what could have caused them. You will most certainly connect it to episodes of your life of even more scarily an episode that is unfolding right now. What exactly happened was that I was listening to “Imany – You will never know” and I caught myself adjusting the representation of real life in my head to the lyrics of the song. So I started wondering – Could it be possible that the old statement – “I chose the music I listen to according to MY mood” be actually an excuse for us diving into a fantasy that will make us feel better?

As far as I am concerned there is no simple answer though. It seems to me that there must be a recent event of some kind that initiates the cycle of mood conditioning. Just to be clear the cycle consists of a weak emotion triggering an activity that enhances it, the enhanced emotion triggering more activities in that direction further enhancing the feeling and so on. I deliberately sided a bit from the music, because I feel that it is only one of the activities that could be used. For example reading a book or watching a movie on love could certainly condition your perceptions in a more romantic way.

Which will make you take different decisions, probably get disappointed because the other side haven’t been through that cycle, further watch romantic movies with Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant further believe that it should happen as in the movies and so on.

Please excuse me for using that seemingly very popular topic of the “perfect love”, but it universally represents the idea that I am trying to communicate. It is almost certain that this method of self-conditioning works and is constantly being used by ourselves. Some examples that come to mind are idols, work mastery, understanding how the world works, looking pretty for facebook(girls), party animals and “club furniture”, etc.

I hope you get the idea. I stay distant from judging this activity, after all it’s probably evolutionary and has been around for at least 5000 years, I guess. Well I think being aware of that human unconscious habit could only be of your benefit at least at empathizing with people, who you understand have been through such a cycle and many more.

Thanks for reading,

D.

And she talked and talked and talked… Will she ever stop ?

Yesterday was my most ....... night that I can remember!! I had a lot of work during the day and I was so exhausted that I decided to just read a chapter of my current read and go to bed, but suddenly the phone rings, as I reach to silence it I see that it an old girlfriend of mine. Suddenly the refreshing thought of casual sex comes to mind and I decide to pick up and that’s where all the troubles begin. You should know to keep to your original plan once you are over 21 years old. So I hear on the phone that very sexy voice of a salsa dancer that sounds very happy to hear from me again: “Hey G. how are you, I have arrive in Varna for a couple of days, lets go out to have a drink together?” So I pick myself up, dust myself off the sleepy mood and answer “Yes sure, I’ll be happy to meet you at Graffiti in half an hour ;)”

And so to spare you the thousands of boring details that chatty girls would consider worth even recognizing I will summarize:

23:05 we sit in the Café,

23:01 she started talking

00:00 I have been able to say “Aham” 2 times

00:30 we are the last customers in the Café

01:00 the staff started cleaning up

01:20 I decided that it would be reasonable to go to a different bar

01:21 I realize I still haven’t said anything and I no longer even try to understand.

01:30Just nodding almost asleep and mega bored, because I cannot even slip in the

suggestion to change the bar.

02:00 I am completely asleep on the table and she finally realizes that the staff is looking at us and waiting nervously.

02:05 I am definitely thinking of going to bed, but as soon as I inhaled some fresh air I gain some strength and decide – (Ok, lets go for one more try) – “P. lets go to the night bar in the hotel over there?” – She was happy about it and we went there.

From there on I cannot remember exact times, but essentially Even before I finished my first vodka I wanted to go home and see her again, but she left me no chance to say anything, let alone “goodbye”. I hope you get how bored I am and the only thing left to do is to drink something as I quit smoking, so I drank 2 more vodkas until she finished talking and I was unable to open my eyes. In the end I was so happy to say “I have to go to bed, because of work, GooBye!” and I didn’t even want to see her again.

On the other morning I realized that had happened 2 more times in the past. Two years ago we went through the same ordeal, which I had forgotten and back in high school when we dated for about 2 weeks I just remembered that I stopped pick up the phone and calling her just because I could stand her narcissistic drone.

Anyways anyone who has dated more than 2 girls must have stumbled upon such a chatty one, talking 1-2 hours on the phone, usually when you call her she is talking and you are on call waiting and if you would accidentally want to share something with her, in 1 minute she decides that it is connected to something totally irrelevant and she starts talking about it for an hour.

Actually now I remember there was one girl that I dated when I was back in England, who forced me to have a 1300 £ bill on my phone.

Anyways please tell me why do you consider those thing important are fucking blind to the countless important things that happen in the world?

Do you even care about us? Or you are considered only with your soapy stories?

Why are you bored to talk about current important, international or work related issues? Or at least mention something that any practical person could consider worth listening? And No! it doesn’t matter if she leaves him after 8 breakups and come backs! And No! I don’t care if she should wait for a guy she has been dreaming about for 5 years and he still hasn’t called her! And No! nobody cares if she wants become a redhead! ( She being a fiend of hers that I haven’t even seen)

It’s easy to be lured by such girls; they are usually very pretty and charming, but be aware what you are going into! And there is your answer why many girls say: “Men are pigs!” – You are unbearable! 

How to get the long-term relationship Fundamentals 101

How to get the long-term relationship Fundamentals 101

(The Long-Term Relationship – hence known as TLTR)

First of all lower your requirements on that Prince you are waiting for, second don’t even expect him to be a prince if he doesn’t have a castle, for fuck’s sake don’t expect him to be a Prince even if he accidentally has a castle!! Naaaa I’m just joking you know? :D Even though, it’s true ;)

Now I know you really want that good guy in your life, as mentioned above – the Prince. I am gonna try and keep it simple, starting with the most obvious ;)

Things that won’t help you get TLTR:

1. Making photos of yourself in clubs’ toilets, faking big lips.
2. Actually going to a surgeon to implant your lips, breasts surely won’t hurt your chances though ;P
3. Getting 2000 likes on your new photo of your old body by the same people
4. And since you are looking for your soul-mate, DON’T play an arrogant bitch all the time, you might just miss your Prince in your hurry to maintain your “ great status”
5. Don’t be too clingy, too romantic, too chatty either – it’s off-putting.
6. Withholding sex for months, actually there is no evidence that not having sex on a first date will end up in a more meaningful relationship. In my opinion it’s 50/50, it still depends on other things. Actually all girls that have tried to postpone having fun when they have actually wanted it, have hated, deleted, blanked after and apparently it is always the man’s fault. All girls that have done what it feels like, when it feels like it, are still good friends or in good relations, because we have realized like grown people, that it won’t really happen. It just doesn’t work like this – if you are annoying, stupid and too much of an egoist TLTR will just never happen ;)
7. Wasting years on years chasing one person that you think is the one. While this in most cases works for men, for women is just a tragedy. Men decide in just about 1-2 conversations if they are going to have TLTR with a girl or not. “If a man acts as if he doesn’t give a shit, most probably he really doesn’t give a shit!”. Just take it without bad feelings – he is out of your league ;)
8. Do not make him feel like you are using him to gain things like respect, popularity, confidence, friends, car, CLIENTS!!(never mind), money, although most rich men are cool with money ;) – or put in other words Respect
9. Don’t play “I am very hard to get”, most probably you are not worth that much effort. Although a little is very cool I admit ;)

Now for the most useful part of that article, that doesn’t even requires you to subscribe, please try to clear your mind of most prejudice and everyday problems.

Those are the things that will help you keep him:

1. Allow yourself more time for personal development, there are so many things you could learn to do and even be fun. Looks is not everything in the world, it’s like the see view on my villa, you just don’t look at it that often 2 weeks after you’ve moved in ;)
2. Try to be pretty without make up.
3. Give men what they want, we are like dogs, we go back to the person, who feeds us ;). Then we are satisfied and you could ask us for anything ;)
4. Have a goal in life, its especially important that it doesn’t conflict with his goal. And please don’t make it be “Achieving/finding Love”, love is such a small thing in the world, open your eyes, ask yourself about the future in 5,10,20 years.
5. Somehow, despite all grayness of life in Bulgaria, you must find a way to be positive about life. That is a long term investment that will pay off big in the future simply by helping you make better decisions and having more goodwill.
6. Help him when he needs and make him help you, so he feels needed.
7. At this point most people will say – learn to cook, but naa not rly ;) In the kitchen even if you can’t cook you can always make fun of yourself and still somehow have a great night together, but in the bed… you really need to know how to fuck… please learn it, and fyi blond hair doesn’t help in bed ;) nor breasts ;), unless you use them the Turkish style ;DD
8. Try to find even more and more common interests, don’t be satisfied with the starting ones. It’s natural that people change with time, so in this way after 2-3 years you will essentially become so alike it will be nearly impossible to separate ;)
9. In general be more open to the world, to new things, to unknowns. Don’t try to navigate the world into your parented rails, prepare to expand you rail network ;)

Finding the fine line between the drama and the statistics.

Finding the fine line between the drama and the statistics.

It’s long been said – “The death of one is a tragedy, the death of 20 000 is a statistic”.

Excuse my brash intro, but that has been an important problem for decades. There are people who argue that the bosses/politicians should be more involved in the single lives of people, while theoreticians argue that the macro scale is the important one for an efficient decision making. We have witnessed various public people vacillate to both extremes and as it is usual with all extremes - neither prosper. Therefore logically we should seek some trade-off ratio, where you are neither too remote from the real world, but still not affected by single case tragic emotions.

As of now we will refer to those extremes as left and right for simplicity. Admittedly it could be argued that right side really has a broad view, because those people have voluntarily depraved themselves from the larger part of the happening in the world, so they can focus on the aggregated figures. On the contrary though the left side is unarguably narrow-minded as their interests reach as far as their day to day problems and comparing them with others everyday life issues, in order to get peace of mind.

For me the ultimate picture of a left person is one who goes to work for money and home to sleep, watches soap opera TV to fill his empathy needs, usually his kids are his only friends, they listen to him and unnoticeably get inducted with similar mind set and problems. He or she usually finds relief in alcohol, preferably beer, doesn’t really care how the world works, continually becomes poorer and poorer as he spends more than his income and owes money to many people. The list could go on, but that should be vivid enough.

A person from the right side would usually live alone in his apartment in relative comfort; he will struggle for money, but will make ends meet. Those are usually men with long beards, old clothes, sociopaths – usually referred to as “know-it-alls”, who normal people avoid, due to their relentless babbling. They find joy in finding the “right” solutions, achieving mastery in a theoretical subject and learning things, usually with no purpose or intent of measurable benefit to anyone. They hate drama movies or books, cannot stand manual labour and could have overestimated self-esteem.

At this point maybe you expect to read the solution to the problem. Ohh it would have been wonderful, but unfortunately I am not certain where it is, but as an advice you can use: If you know one of those types of people, you better reconsider your relationship with him, weigh the pros and cons carefully and decide.

As long as the perfect balance goes, most people would say – “Go for the golden middle”, but not me. The perfect middle is never stable in the nature, it is hard to maintain and there are no evidence that it works well. If you ask about me, I have moved left and right on the line in the past several years, have been moving left lately, but as anyone who would write such and essay, I am still leaning to the right. There pros and cons about any position (but the extremes :D), which I might cover in a follow up, but my honest opinion is that the key is in the flexibility. If you have the experience of different ratios you could empathize with wider variety or people and thus face day to day issues accordingly. That expands you capabilities and gives you more freedom to pick your options, but then you become inconsistent and dependant on your own decisions, which are never guaranteed to be good.

Whatever you do there are pitfalls, life is so complex that a single fit-to-all solution could never be computed. It would be great, if that essay is not interpreted as a statement to the insignificance of personal choices, but as a catalyst for a discussion in attempt to close in on clearer perspective on the issue, so we could try and chose sanely for our better future.

The new investment grade asset.

 Some girls have a lot of money locked up in promiscuity futures. I will use the moment to plug myself and communicate that if some of them are in a hurry to liquidate some assets at a discount I can find the right buyers ;)

But generally speaking the “tables have been laid and the food has been served, but the cost of eating is too much for most to pay”. It is obvious, if you think about it, that the meaning of love has changed dramatically, but it has been changing with each historic age for millennia now. Everybody is talking about the unprecedented rate of technological progress, but alongside everything has sped up, ages change more rapidly, fashion trends, mission statements, wants and needs, but most crucially expectations. Fundamentally capitalism is the culprit. It creates competition among us and all the problems of our society are rooted there. To be fair evolution is a competitive system, very much like capitalism, we tried to influence it by forcing socialism, but nature brought us back to capitalism. Unfortunately capitalism allows for much faster gains and accumulation of resources than evolution, which points to a bad trend. If I dare estimate the rate of acceleration ever since capitalism rules the world, I’d argue that the rate is exponentially rising and despite the attempts of the very smart and vastly rich people to calm down the masses, until 2050 the system should overheat and collapse. Riots, wars, hunger and poverty will become the standard theoretical drawbacks of capitalism, but you know hunger doesn’t ask for theoretical solutions.